I got this email the other day from my father-in-law. He frequently sends out articles and stories that he stumbles across in his daily life and along with it is always his take on it and words of wisdom. Now Ill be honest (and please Ed don’t be offended or take this as my request for removal off of the mailing list), I USUALLY skim through them. I typically receive them as I am starting my work day and have every intention of going home that night to give it the time and thought deserved…..but I forget! And just as all the others, this one arrived on my way to work. Now because I am hip and with it and I would feel lost without it…..I am connected to email 24/7. I opened this one up and right away I was intrigued. The subject of the email was “Health care and auto insurance”. I guess because I work in the health care industry I felt the need to read on.
The message of his email was about how all Americans are required to pay monthly for auto insurance and get little coverage, meaning it only covers accidents, etc. not the maintenance portion such as oil changes, new tires and so on. On the other hand, all Americans are NOT required to have health insurance (which does cover everything). He then went on to write about how years ago our ancestors got sick, broke a leg, or (insert ailment here) without insurance and managed in most cases to come out of the situation just fine. They relied on their faith in God to get them through. Cheaper and more reliable if you ask me! I will refrain from going off on my disgust for the insurance industry right now.
Now this got me thinking throughout the day. But Ill come back to that. I need to fill you in on a few things that have been happening in our lives over the past year and some change.
Long story short…….After Paul and I got married we started trying to have a kid. I will save you from the intimate details and just call it the “good ol fashioned way”. Now knowing my medical history I knew there was a chance that I wouldn’t be able to conceive a child. After a few months of trying on our own we sought assistance from my OBGYN in the form of a drug called Clomid. This is typically the first thing doctors will try in any woman with fertility issues. After probably 6 or 7 months of that and no results we went to a fertility specialist.
After meeting with her it was decided I would undergo some exploratory procedures to make sure things were functioning and operational. Did those….everything looked fine. We then proceeded with IUI (basically artificial insemination) which required me giving myself shots of drugs, multiple blood draws, inserting a catheter into places I wont mention and waiting…….LOTS of waiting.
Approximately 2 weeks after my first insemination I received a call during work hours (not recommended) that it didnt work. It was a Wednesday. That call wouldnt have been so bad if I hadnt pretty much convinced myself that it WAS going to work. I was so convinced that I had even scheduled that following Friday off to start shopping for the babies room. Of all the phone calls I’ve ever gotten that was by far one of my least favorites. I managed to make it through the rest of that day, barely. Its safe to say the wind had been knocked out of my sails. If I could have crawled into a dark hole I would have. Its nothing I can put into words, so I wont even try.
At this point, I didn’t want to go through it again and I was ready to give up. But after some time and talks with my husband, we decided to give it one more try. More shots, more blood draws, more catheters, more waiting. I had asked them this time to please wait until after I was off work to call me. But again, on a Wednesday I got that phone call (at work). I had a voice mail to call them. By this time I already knew the answer but I called anyways. “I’m sorry, its negative” were the words I heard. I wasn’t surprised. I wasn’t expecting a different answer. So we were done for the year as far as medical assistance went to get pregnant. That was always our plan- IUI this year, IVF next year.
Fast forward to the email. When I read it I instantly knew what our future held. We were giving it all to God. I presented Paul with my thoughts at dinner that night. I explained to him my take on the message of Ed’s email. Its like this; for thousands of years women have become pregnant the way God intended.
1 man + 1 woman + 1 candlelit dinner + 1 glass of wine (or Dt. Pepsi) = baby
NOT
1 woman + 1 medical professional + 1 sterile room + 1 catheter = baby
I basically summed it up as if it isn’t happening naturally then there is a reason for that. I know that before I was ever born he had my life planned. He knew years before I did that I would fall in love with my best friend and marry him. I believe he knows where my path is leading now and if it includes a child of my own. I pray that it does, but I have also accepted it if it doesn’t. Only time will tell.
Wow…my heart goes out to you both..I have close friends whom have been trying for years..my question is would you be willing to adopt…another couple we know did..and Aleisha is a wonderfully healthy beautiful baby…as well I a cousin adopted one after years of trying and bam! got pregnant………….know that you are in our thoughts and prayers.
Libby, this was a wonderful post. I think the hardest thing we do being human is thinking WE are in control. Now granted, we control what our actions are…but in the grand scheme of things, I believe there definitely is a plan. Then, when things don’t work our way, we question why, have doubts, and lose hope. Sorry, this is going to be a long comment, but I found a quote once that helped me get through a really hard time and just feel impressed to share it….’Should all prayers be answered according to our own desires and our limited understanding, then there would be little or no suffering, sorrow, disappointment, or even death, and if these things were not, there would also be no joy, success, or eternal life. Being human, we would expel from our lives physical pain and mental anguish and assure ourselves of continual ease and comfort, but if we were to close the doors upon sorrow and distress, we might be excluding our greatest friends and benefactors. Suffering can make saints of people as they learn patience, long-suffering, and self-mastery.’
Just by reading what you wrote, is truly inspiring, and I appreciate you willing to share something that I’m sure is extremely difficult. You are in my thoughts and I wish great things for you. I’m so glad you have a good man to stand by you.
Hey girl! Loved the post. I am delighted that you have found your peace in God. He is truly the only answer to real peace and contentment. Not the fake kind that comes and goes based on circumstances but the kind that Paul talks about in Philippians 4. Learning to be content in all circumstances. God is in control of our lives. There is peace and rest in knowing, really knowing, that someone who is bigger, stronger and wiser is taking care of all my business. And I can just hide myself in Him. I know it sounds like I have this mastered….ha. Far from it. This is just as much a pep talk to myself as it is to you!! As you know I waited 6+ years for my second bundle of joy. Fertility and marriage issues led to years of hopelessness and discouragement. I had plans and they weren’t working out. God had better plans. I look back at my life now and KNOW that this timing was way better and can see all the complications that would have been if we had had another baby or two when I wanted. Just remember…He sees the big picture our lives. We don’t. You know that! Keep on keepin’ on!! Love you Lib and I am so delighted that you are my sister in Christ!
Much love and care,
Mare
Oh, Libby, this is an authentic and beautiful expression of heart. Humans tend to look at life through a very small keyhole and think through a very narrow calculus.
When we release it all to the One Who created and sustains everything, the possibilities expand.
We love you so much.